He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
