You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
