so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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