Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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