I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize