The best revenge is premature balding
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
