3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
