There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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