even my farts smell like vagina
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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