My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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