I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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