I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
