It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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