Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
