I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
