seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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