in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
