Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
