He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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