if you like me you must not know who I am
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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