His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize