need another drink. this is the easiest way
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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