Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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