Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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