Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
