the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
