I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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