can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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