Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
