I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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