she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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