More tranny stories later!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
