rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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