Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
