from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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