so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
