she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
