We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
