Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
