She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
