I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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