I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
