so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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