apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
