I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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