I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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