I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
