so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
