I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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