Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
