i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
