Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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