I accidentally had phone sex last night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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