i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
