One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
