Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
