who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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