i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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