i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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