You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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