it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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