I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
