I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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