someone get that fucking seahorse.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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